what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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