My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
