I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
