I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize