Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need water and some morals
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
