I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
