I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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