It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize