apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
