Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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