Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
