My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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