Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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