maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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