Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
