This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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