help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
