White coat. Heels.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
