Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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