yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
