i think my tv is drunk
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
