Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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