we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
