i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize