don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
