you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
