I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will be naked everywhere
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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