I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i drank out of a bidet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
