Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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