After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
