Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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