mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
