Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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