when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
