he shaved USA in his pubs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You've changed since you got that strap on
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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