do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Don't make out with my wife yet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize