marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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