hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just pynch a tree in the face
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
