So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
