I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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