I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
