Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
