i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
