She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
