Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
