she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
