So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize