1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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