i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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