I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
