just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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