You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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