I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
