Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
