I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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