just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
