Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
