So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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