this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
