You work out of a Hotel?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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