I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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