also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We left an ass print on the piano.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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