I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't turn off my feet"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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