Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found your dick twin last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Randomize
