whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
