Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.

Fav 9 1008 4351
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(530): View more from California

Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

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(816): View more from Missouri

At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.

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(541): View more from Oregon

So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display

Fav 7 3913 1157
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!

Fav 0 1926 821
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

what? who is this?

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(618): View more from Illinois

ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Fav 3 906 608
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(512): View more from Texas

Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever

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