its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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