Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
