You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize