the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
