Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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