I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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