Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
