I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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