im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
