I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think my fart just growled at me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
