I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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