GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
