Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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