I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
