bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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