I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
NoShamevember. You game?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
