There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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