i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
