i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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