saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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