I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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