Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
