OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize