My liver just broke up with me...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
