So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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