I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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