Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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