You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize