What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
