wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize