so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
