is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
