she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
