P.S. I can't hear my feet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
