i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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