When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
