Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
