He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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