Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
